Are you that family member/friend that tries to avoid all the social functions as much as possible? Do you tend to keep an excessive distance between yourself and coworkers (sometimes distance is needed though..lol)? Do you find yourself increasingly only leaving your home for the mandatory things like, work, school, family errands and only what’s necessary? While the pandemic certainly has impacted our ability to socialize and interact with each other, some people were experiencing these feelings prior to the pandemic or even now, and sometimes for reasons that have nothing to do with the pandemic.

Life can feel increasingly challenging and can cause you to have a strong desire to “check out”. While “checking out” is not often meaning suicidal thoughts, it can mean a strong desire to detach. If you feel that you have experienced too many disappointments, lack hope for change, or motivation to change its not uncommon to only do what’s absolutely necessary to get through the days and months to come. I know this is often joked about amongst family, friends, coworkers, even Tik Tok has content created for people that “prefer” to be alone. However, it’s not always funny, and in fact in most cases it’s not at all, because the person who appears to be wanting to be alone all the time, is most likely suffering in silence and needs some mental health support.

While alone time is great and definitely needed, being alone all the time or desiring to be alone excessively is a sign/symptom that something else mentally is impacting your social meter.

When looking at your own life and reflecting over childhood and your past/current/future dreams, sometimes you can feel overwhelmingly sad and disappointed that things haven’t turned out like you desired. It can be difficult to get motivated to make changes when you are unsure where to start or hesitant to believe that things can really change for you. These feelings can cause emptiness and a detachment from people in your life. You might even find that you start telling yourself, I’m a loner and I prefer to be alone. While there are some personality traits that enjoy more frequent alone time, no one truly enjoys constantly being alone or feeling lonely. There’s a reason why solitaire confinement is considered inhuman. There are a few main reasons why people isolate:

• You are unhappy with your current self/situation, and feel ashamed or insecure to be around others
• The types of people you have or have had in your life drained you so bad that the thought of interacting with others is not appealing.
• You experience anxiety around others, and you would rather avoid the anxiousness
• You’ve experienced multiple loss
• You’re in a toxic relationship or still dealing with the effects of a toxic relationship

These are just a few reasons, and there are many more, including the climate/weather. Regardless of what your reason may be, isolating often only makes things worse. The more consistent and frequent time you are alone the more intense the feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, and despair will keep you in the same cycle.

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE THE “LONER”

First thing to do if you are finding that you are experiencing some or all these symptoms is to not beat yourself up about it. This is not the time to allow self-critical thoughts to run ramped. Acknowledging that this is you, is the start of you changing things. Once you’ve acknowledged that this is you, decide if you want things to change. This is really a choice, not everyone that identifies with these behaviors wants to change, and that’s okay. When you are ready for things to change start with a basic internet search to locate a therapist to work with you on the changes you desire. While therapy is a tool I highly support and recommend, if you’re not interested in therapy talk with your doctor about what you’re feeling and options, potentially medication. If you’re not comfortable with speaking with a professional talk to a trusted friend or family member, they might be able to help you. The most important thing to know is that you have options, and you don’t have to continue feeling this way, I hope you are strong enough to get help.